Today reality hit me. In two short weeks I return to work full time and things will look very different. I will not have the ease in the morning of taking my time or the thought that I have a few hours in the morning to get things done before M returns from school, or those extra snuggles in the morning when my son doesn’t have school. I’ve gotten used to our chocolate chip pancake breakfasts when we want to treat ourselves on a lazy morning. I will have to figure out when I will actually shower so I look presentable for work….when household tasks will be done (when I actually get to them), figuring out when I will nurse A before leaving for work. The list goes on. And back to pumping at work – ugh not my favorite thing associated with breastfeeding.
As I logged into my work email to check my schedule for when I return I had mixed emotions. I looked forward to seeing my coworkers, making a difference in the community, reaching new work goals, being around adults, and getting a little bit of a breather or a break from the SAHM life during my FMLA. Then there was the sadness as I looked at my baby in my arms, cuddled close to me as she fell asleep while nursing. With my computer open I already started the battle of self guilt: Do I put her down to get some work done or hold her a little longer?
That will be my new reality as I re-evaluate my work/home boundaries.
As I think about the things that need to get done and the reality that those things would likely pile up and get worse once I return to work I’m going to take a breath and enjoy the snuggles with my little one while I can. Enjoy her smiles. Her little toes that fill with fuzz. Her naps on my lap. I won’t always have this much time with her. I am going to take advantage of my snuggles with A and M while I can because you’re never too old for snuggles and I’m trying my best to live in the moment, not worrying about the things that need to get done.
Let’s snuggle a little longer today, all the other stuff can wait.